The main reason most cosplayers begin cosplaying in the first place is to do something fun with their friends. It's to feel more connected to those around you using unusual activities such as dressing up in public or wearing extravagant costumes for photo shoots or cosplaying a group for a convention. But what happens when one member of your cosplay group stops showing up for scheduled film and photo shoot dates or declares that you can't cosplay specific characters? What happens when they leave you- and you alone- to run multiple social media accounts?
What is the best and nicest way to tell them "you're out of the cosplay group"?
I guess we can say it started a long, long time ago. More precisely, before we even started cosplaying- when all we were doing was stating "I want to cosplay so-and-so". That was the first sign that this "cosplay group" was going to be a failure.
Why, exactly? Because when this cosplay group got started, you didn't get to choose the character you wanted to, it was decided for you by Miss Self-Centered. Basically we would go through all the series we wanted to cosplay from and try to decided who would cosplay whom. Only Miss Self-Centered would always, always, always claim the leading female role. Why would we let her claim the main character? Because she would guilt trip us with stories about how much her life sucked and she would say that she had "dibs" (at the time we still believed in dibs... No judging, please :b).
Me, being the easily ticked off person I am, would always say "next time it'll be fair" and I would push my feelings aside... but it never was. Things gradually got worse but I just casted it to the side. From there I started making my first cosplay, or should I say cosplays. It was going to be a costume that you could use for two different characters (one of which Miss Self-Centered was cosplaying). When she found out that, that is what I was doing, she immediately flipped and started yelling at me, making me feel absolutely worthless and like a terrible friend.
I didn't build up the courage to cosplay the same characters as Miss Self-Centered for almost 4 years.
Things from there went down hill. Miss Self-Centered refused to post or help edit videos for our Youtube channel or photos for the Instagram account. She would claim characters that she would never buy the cosplay for and yell and anyone if they planned on cosplaying that same character. We would invite her to group outings at the mall or around town, but she would turn us down and then complain that she was never invited to begin with.
But the thing that got on my nerves was the comment she made about money.
She made a ridiculously rude comment about all the cosplay and money I have. She told me something along the lines of "how nice it must be to get everything you want" and I just snapped. Everything I own I have either payed for myself or worked my ass off for. I save my money, I hate spending it. And yet Miss Self-Centered told me off about "how spoiled" I am, even though she has never had to pay for a single costume, piece of technology, or object she owns. Even though she blows over $200 on a single trip to the mall while I skip eating because it costs too much for food.
That was where the line was crossed and I determined that she needed to get out.
The first step I took was building up the courage to cosplay one of the same characters as her. Of course, I didn't tell her. The weave later arrived in the mail and I posted a few pictured of the just the base of the wig. Miss Self-Centered saw the photos (not realizing it was for the same character she cosplays already) and basically told me "this wig is perfect for my ___ cosplay, you should just give it to me and buy another one for yourself" and I, in the nicest was possible, said "no way in hell."
On that Friday I went to school wearing the full wig, but when I saw Miss Self-Centered down the hall, I lost all my self confidence and took off the clips, only leaving on the base of the weave. The last period of the day I finally built up the courage to put the rest of my wig and the second Miss Self-Centered saw it on me she flipped and stopped talking to me for a couple weeks.
She then messaged me saying "I'm determining if I should give you my ___ cosplay, it's old anyways and I'm planning on getting a new one". I told her "no, thanks" for the main reason being I will wear her hand-me-downs and I will not cosplay the same version.
A few months later and we hit 1,000 subscribers on Youtube. We wanted to celebrate with a subscriber special and so the people in our group and a few guest stars wrote a script... only Miss Self-Centered had a pretty huge role in it. We would plan a date and then last minute she would say she has plans. Then I would go on Facebook and see photos of her partying with a ton of strangers and my brother's EX girlfriend (that's a whole other screwed up story) instead of being at the film set.
After multiple attempts of setting up a solid date, we finally gave up. It was around this time that I really wanted to find a way to kick her out. So I changed all the passwords to every social media account she had access to. When she confronted me about changing the password I just played along and said, "oh no, that's weird. Are you sure you're typing it correctly?" and things along those lines.
From there we slowly but surely left her out in every little thing we've been doing. We no longer included her in scripts or in meet ups. We denied her access to the account and tried our best to loose complete contact with Miss Self Centered. But occasionally she'll message us and when the subject of cosplaying is brought up, we swiftly change the subject.
There is no nice way of saying "we want you out of our group", so instead of saying it directly I spoke with my actions and silently kicked her out. If she ever decided to fix her attitude and developed into a more mellow character, we'll gladly accept her back in. But for now, steer clear of the Miss Self-Centered in your life and let them down easily, no one likes to be yelled at.
